The Masochism Tango
by Songwind
Summary: NOT MY SONG. Filia/Xellos fic. Xellos sings a rather disturbing love song to Filia and stuff. Please review!


The Masochism Tango   
By Songwind  
Notes- This is a songfic with a song by the satirist Tom Lehrer. If you didn't know, he sings disturbing songs like this one and "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park". Anyway, in this he thoroughly creeps out Filia. He uses it as a love song, so it's X/F.   
  
Stop looking at me like that. Yes, I'm aware I have a X/L already. I think either pairing has potential. Leave me alone. Well, actually, don't leave me alone. Annoy me and review, will you? ^_^ And enjoy.  
  
DISCLAIMER- Neither Slayers OR the song in here is mine. Slayers belongs to some rich guy in Japan and the song belongs to Tom Lehrer.   
  
~*~  
  
Xellos watched the figure below him as she made her way around her shop, then walked out. She stared sternly into the shop, Vases and Maces, and said, "Now, don't do ANYTHING while I'm gone. I don't want to clean up another priceless vase, do you understand me?"   
  
There was an affirmative from somewhere in the shop, and his, well, quarry smiled in satisfaction. "I'll only be gone for a while. I ought to be back before any customers come by. Just make sure no one tries to steal any of our things. And you MAKE SURE that Val-chan stays asleep this time!"  
  
Another affirmative, and she turned away humming slightly. It was a cheerful tone, one that made him itch and want to phase away. But he got control over himself, smiled slightly, and started to follow by rooftop.  
  
"Yes, you'll be gone for a while, Fi-chan," he murmured. "Though not for the same reason you expect it to be."  
  
He watched her go into the market, smiled again, and phased out...  
  
~*~  
  
Filia smiled in thanks at the merchant and took her basket of newly-acquired food. "Thank you again, Master Merchant," she said. "It's so hard to get decent food around here for some reason. I know I can always depend upon you."  
  
He smiled back. "Oh, you know you can, Miss Filia," he said. "You come back any time and get more when you need it."  
  
The Golden Dragon nodded, and turned to start heading home.  
  
Then, she paused, frowning slightly. There was... a sound of some sort. She glanced around. No one else seemed to have noticed it. "Well, it is sort of early in the morning," she murmured. "And I didn't sleep too well... Yes, I must still be half asleep. Well, let's get back and wake up with some nice tea..." She continued to walk towards her shop.  
  
Again, the sound. No, it wasn't a sound. At first, it had sounded like someone attempting to play something, then it became, slowly, a haunting sort of melody.  
  
She frowned a little more now. "What on earth...? Who would be playing such a thing this early?" she wondered. "Well, it'll upset a number of people if someone doesn't go and tell them to stop. I might as well..." The Golden Dragon started towards the sound.  
  
The music led her down a couple turns of streets that she didn't quite recognize, never really getting louder. Instead the music taunted her, dared her to find the one playing it. This was getting annoying. Both the music and the lack of success in finding it...  
  
Filia paused as she began to walk by an alleyway. The music... it came from down there. Who on earth? It sounded like a piano, but it was far too narrow to put a piano in there... and too dark to play anything! "Could someone be practicing magic of some sort?" she wondered. "Hello?" she called down the alley.  
  
The music- yes! It was getting louder as she took a step towards the mouth of the alley.  
  
"Uh, sir, madam, whoever's down there... it's a little early to be practicing, don't you think? Maybe you could wait an hour or two until everyone in town is awake? You know how people get when they can't sleep."  
  
The music continued without a vocal answer. Filia peered into the darkness. She created a mage light and took another step into the darkness. The mage light did little.  
  
This was ridiculous. It was real dawn, it shouldn't be this dark. Not even in a little alley like this. And whoever this was was obviously rude. Why was she bothering?  
  
The music got a little louder as she took another step. But there was still no sign of a person or the instrument they were playing. "Excuse me?" she called.  
  
Another step-  
  
"YEEEK!"  
  
Filia did her best to right herself before she landed with a thud somewhere. Odd, though, it hadn't really felt like FALLING...  
  
The music was much louder now. And even more taunting. She glared into the darkness, and made another mage light.   
  
"Who's there?" she challenged. "I warn you, I am a master at the mace!"  
  
"Dear Fi-chan, how I know that fact..." said a familiar voice.  
  
"YOU! Namagomi!" she said, glaring even more. "What tricks are you up to now?"  
  
There was a pause, then, "No trick this time."  
  
Filia blinked. Did he just ANSWER her? "Are you feeling alright?" she asked uncertainly. "You're being too straightforward..."  
  
A sudden light made her shield her eyes. Then she ignored the light and just stared.  
  
Xellos was looking his usual self. What was weird was that he was seated rather properly at a huge piano playing that music.  
  
"You...? You liar! You ARE playing some sort of trick! Well, it's not going to work on me!"  
  
Xellos looked up, and she suddenly stopped. His eyes were wide open. Was he going to kill her? What had she done? Was he tired of her insulting him?   
  
He only looked at her steadily for a moment with those wide violet eyes, then returned his open-eyed gaze to the music before him. His fingers skillfully played over the keys.  
  
"What do you want?" Filia asked after a moment, very softly.  
  
"...I'll tell you." The music took on a slightly different tune.   
  
"I ache... for the touch of your lips, dear..  
But much more, for the touch of your whips, dear...  
You can raise welts, like nobody else,  
As we dance to the masochism tango..."  
  
Filia jerked back a little in surprise. Her mage light disappeared, and she stared rather dumbly at the Mazoku. He smiled slightly at her.  
  
"Should I have said 'mace?'" he asked simply.  
  
"Uh..." was her amazing reply.  
  
"Let our love be a flame, not an ember!  
Say it's me you want to dismember!  
Blacken my eye! Set fire to my tie  
As we dance to the masochism tango..."  
  
"Xellos, you're scaring me..." Filia said.  
  
"That's the intent."  
  
He WAS scaring her. This was a disturbing song, and he was acting FAR too straightforward. Was he sick? Or... did he really mean it? Part of her dismissed that thought immediately, but another part... longed after it...  
  
What was she thinking? He was a Mazoku! She HATED him!  
  
But then why was this getting to her so easily?  
  
She immediately pulled out of her thoughts when he began to sing again. He actually had a nice voice.... "Stop it!" she thought to herself. "Just stop it!" But she kept listening anyway.  
  
"At your command, before you here I stand.  
My heart is in my hand-"  
  
He suddenly had one of his I'm-gonna-do-something-you-might-not-like look and something appeared in the air before her.  
  
It looked like a heart.  
  
"ICK!" she screamed and brought out her mace to swing the thing away. It landed against a nearby wall and exploded. Then she nearly turned into a dragon- it was just a water balloon. "NAMAGOMI-" she began to scream.  
  
"It's here that I must be...  
My heart entreats! Just hear those savage beats  
And go put on your cleats  
And come and trample me..."  
  
Filia stopped and stared at him incredulously. He again had his eyes open and was simply playing the piano and singing. The song was disturbing yes, but... did it have any other meaning than to scare her?  
  
"Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany-" he stopped for a moment and gave her a look. "That's why I'm in such exquisite agony!"  
  
Now she felt guilty. She WAS mean to him. Was that the meaning of the song? He didn't want to be hurt by her? But didn't Mazoku enjoy being hurt? Was he just inviting her to hurt him again? Oh, this was confusing...  
  
"My soul is on fire," he continued, oblivious to her thoughts. Seemingly oblivious.  
  
"It's a flame of desire!  
Which is why I perspire when we tango!"  
  
"Namagomi," she grated. "We have NEVER danced, and you know that."  
  
He smiled. "Life is a dance," he said. Then he continued.  
  
"You caught my nose  
In your left castanets, love  
I can feel the pain yet, love  
Every time I hear drums..."  
  
This was even more confusing. He was singing it... almost like he meant it. Did he mean it? Did he mean that word, love? "Oh, of course not!" she scolded herself. "You're too sleepy to make any sense out of this! The Namagomi is trying to confuse you!"  
  
"And I envy the rose  
That you held in your teeth, love  
With the thorns underneath, love  
Sticking into your gums..."  
  
Filia winced at that image. "Namagomi, I don't plant roses!"  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"Your eyes, cast a spell that bewitches  
The last time I needed twenty stitches!  
To sew up the gash  
That you made with your lash  
As we dance to the masochism tango!"  
  
Filia drew herself up to as high as she could, and started as he turned to look at her. Oddly, the music continued playing. This was impossibly creepy. "Namagomi, I am NOT a masochist, you are! Go dance with yourself, leave me alone, let me get HOME..."  
  
She faltered when he stood toe-to-toe with her, looking slightly down at the Golden Dragon. His eyes were still wide open. They were... enchanting to look at. Wait, did she just say enchanting? About something to do with the NAMAGOMI!?  
  
What did she DRINK last night?  
  
He began to whisper the song. She wanted to back up, but something was preventing her from doing so. She wasn't quite sure what.  
  
"Go ahead, bash in my brain  
And make me scream in pain  
Then kick me once again  
And say we'll never part..."  
  
She felt guilty again. She hit him on the head with her mace often. He didn't ever really scream, but it still made her feel uncomfortable now. "But you're a Mazoku," she whispered, somewhat desperately. "You LIKE that, right?"  
  
Xellos only continued to whisper the song to her.  
  
"I know too well  
I'm underneath your spell  
So darling, if you smell  
Something burning it's my heart..."  
  
Filia swallowed. "Let me go, Xellos," she whispered.  
  
"Take a cigarette from its holder  
And burn your initials in my shoulder!  
Fracture my spine, then swear that you're mine,  
As we dance... to the masochism tango!"  
  
"I said I never-"  
  
Before she could say anything else he bent down and sealed her lips to his for one quick kiss. It took all of eternity, but only a few seconds. She dropped her basket of food, long forgotten in her grasp. She made no move to pick it up.  
  
"Until next time, Fi-chan," he whispered when they broke apart. "When we finally dance."  
  
There was a momentary light, and she found herself alone.  
  
Not only alone, but in the alleyway where she'd been looking for the music. There was no sign of Xellos or the piano, wherever she'd been.  
  
Filia blinked, then swallowed. "What was that?!" she whispered. Then, forgetting why she'd left to begin with, she headed home quickly.  
  
~*~  
  
Xellos chuckled when he watched her go. He looked down at the basket of free food Filia had left in her haste to leave. "More for me, Fi-chan," he whispered.  
  
Someone phased in behind him.  
  
"I see you're enjoying yourself," said a woman's voice.  
  
"Of course, Beastmaster," Xellos said genially.   
  
"You got quite a feast of fear from that dragon girl," Zelas observed calmly, looking at him. "You chose the right thing to trick her with this time, my Priest."  
  
There was a long pause, then Xellos turned to look at her. His eyes were still open. "Who said I was tricking her?"  
  
Zelas stared as her priest and general phased out of the area. Then she thoughtfully tapped her finger against her face.  
  
"I see," was all she said. Then she too disappeared.  
  
~*~  
  
"THAT NAMAGOMI!" Filia suddenly hollered when she entered her shop.  
  
"Nani nani?!" Jillas looked up, frightened. Val-chan, in his basket, simply shifted and went back to sleep.  
  
"HE STOLE MY BASKET OF FOOD!" She began to rant and rave, nearly destroying a number of the priceless objects she'd told Jillas not even to touch while she was gone.  
  
Jillas sighed in a long-suffering fashion and looked at Val-chan. "You got it lucky, kid," he murmured. "You never have to put up with this..."  
  
~*~  
  
The END! Creepy song, eh? That's why I thought it would fit Xellos perfectly. In fact, I think if Tom Lehrer and Xellos met they would get along wonderfully. Anyway, what did you think? 


End file.
